


I'm No Stranger To The Heartache And The Pain

by sonofapollo



Series: i'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own [2]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Unrequited Love, hanahaki disease au, reciprocated love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 05:09:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11639577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonofapollo/pseuds/sonofapollo
Summary: The one in which Tyler is in love and he doesn't want Josh to know.





	I'm No Stranger To The Heartache And The Pain

**Author's Note:**

> (i highkey suggest that u guys read the first part b4 this one if u haven't read the first part yet)
> 
> i had to write a second part asdfgjkl
> 
> this is also un-beta'd and i hope i did tyler justice in this, and the ending was pretty rushed (i might write another part to complete it ahhhh), but i hope you guys still enjoy this! 
> 
> ps: the title is again from the song "silhouette" by owl city :3

 

It doesn't take much thinking to know what's going and how fucked up this all was. Tyler knows that all too well.

A year before, Tyler guessed this would have been okay—well, maybe not okay, but he would've saved Josh the pain of the flowers inhabiting his lungs and getting them removed. But it wasn't the year before, it wasn't the time when Josh had been in love with him. It was the present, the now, and Tyler was _fucked_.

He sat in the bathroom, which he'd been in for over an hour now. He was supposed to be bathing, the shower was still turned on, hot water streaming out of it, but instead he just sat on the floor, knees curled up to his chest, and a shocked look on his face. He was staring at a pile of rose petals that he'd coughed up a little while ago. The rose petals were a rich, brilliant red. _I love you_ , they meant, and the knowledge of that made something churn in Tyler's stomach.

You see, the problem here was that Tyler was married, and supposedly in love with his wife, Jenna. The flower petals, and the rose growing inside him, contradicted all of that, and made Tyler question his very own existence and why the fuck was this happening to him now. In fact, why was it happening at _all_?

Deciding to shove the problem away and deal with it later, he hastily picked up the petals and flushed them down the toilet.

He hopes he can do the same with his feelings, too.

—

Two days after Tyler realizes he's caught feelings for—it's best not to mention it. He's still trying to decide on whether or not the feelings are real and if they're truly directed to him. He knows it's stupid to think about it so much when it's so blatantly obvious, and he knows that he's just stalling and making excuses, but he couldn't care at the moment. Tyler wanted to believe he still had feelings for Jenna—his wife, mind you—and not towards a certain yellow-haired person.

The thing is, after those two days pass, Tyler finds himself going through an excruciating coughing fit that doesn't seem to stop, and makes his chest ache, and his eyes become watery and red. It happens during soundcheck before a show. You'd think that a year later, they'd be done with their tour, but no. Tyler didn't mind though, and he knew Josh didn't either. But sometimes it was just exhausting and tiring, especially now when he's caught this disease.

He's practicing the vocals for 'Ride', while Josh is backstage doing God-knows-what, when a familiar itch at the back of his throat tells him that he's got bigger problems than exhaustion. He pulls away from the microphone and coughs into his hands. He keeps coughing until he feels like no more flower petals will come up. He clears his throat and swallows hard, looking down at the bundle of orange rose petals on his hands. _Desire_. Tyler purses his lips and furrows his brow. What _does_ he desire?

"Hey, Ty, can you come back here for a minute?" he hears Josh's voice shout. He looks up and sees his best friend smiling back at him widely.

 _Oh_ , he thinks, realizing that his heart sped up a beat at the sigh of Josh. _That's what_.

—

The third time it happens he's with Jenna, and it doesn't quite end well.

They're curled up against each other, cuddling in the bus's couch, watching a cheesy romance movie, that Tyler's not really paying much attention to. Jenna is though, her eyes are glued to the television's screen, and Tyler swears he hasn't even seen her blink. It was creepy.

Tyler tried to focus on the movie, but every time an actual romantic scene would come on, his mind would drift away to other places. He thought of him and Jenna. He thought of the dates they've shared, the time they've spent together, they're wedding day—but the memory became distorted. Instead of Jenna standing there in front of him, about to say "I do", it's Josh standing there in her place. He's clad in a white suit, his hair is brown instead of an odd color, and he was smiling so brightly, that it almost outshone the sun.

Tyler immediately snapped out of his thoughts when he started coughing violently into his hands. He felt like he was choking, and maybe he was. Those flower petals were not gentle in making their way up to his throat, they were rather vicious and instead clawed their way out.

"Oh my God, Tyler, are you okay?" Jenna asked, worry and panic lacing her voice as she rubbed and patted Tyler's back. He was doubled over, coughing into his hands. He took a deep breath, trying to stop his coughing, but the petals didn't seem to stop or even give him a damn break, and he was coughing harshly again. He swore he was going to die if they didn't stop soon.

Luckily for him, the his coughing fit ended and all that remained were red amaryllis petals. Tyler stared at them in shock, breathing heavily. _This was some sort of fucking joke_ , he was sure it was.

Jenna stared at the petals in just as much shock, not because of the meaning behind them, but because they came from Tyler. She turned to him, looking both shocked and hurt. "Explain." She pointed at the petals.

—

Jenna crossed her arms over her chest.

Tyler knew she was mad. He knew she was more than man. She was hurt, she was disappointed. His intention was never to hurt her, he never wanted that for her. But here they were, and Tyler felt shit for it.

"I'm sorry, Jenna," he said, helplessly after he had finished telling her everything, from the first day he started coughing up flowers to the present, where he'd assimilated that he was, indeed, in love with his best friend. (Though, it was quite hard accepting it, and now he knew just how bad Josh felt.)

"And when were you planning to tell me this, Tyler?" She finally turned to him, anger blazing in her eyes. "Some time soon."

" _Some time soon?_ You were never planning on telling me, Tyler," she bit back. Tyler swallowed hard, knowing deep down that it was true. "Because look at where we are now. We were together today and our moment together might have led up to other things, and after that, you would have never told me." She glared at him, clenching her jaw. She seemed to grow ten times taller than him in this state. "And you don't say anything because I'm right, aren't I?"

Tyler only averted his eyes, not even daring to look at her. "Unbelievable," Jenna scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest again, shaking her head. "Now, I'm the one who's going to be stuck with that disease. I'm going to end up in the same place as Josh." Tyler clenched his jaw and swallowed hard. He felt as if making people suffer was a thing of his now.

"Jenna—" he started, even though he didn't know what he was going to say, but she cut him off. "No. Don't talk to me. I'm going home." She stood up, grabbed her purse from the floor and walked towards the door. "Jenna—"

"Bye, Tyler." With that, she walked out, letting the door slam shut behind her. Tyler sighed and buried his face in his hands. This is a fucking nightmare, he thought, wishing that the flower petals had choked him to death earlier.

—

The fourth time it happens, Josh finds out, and he is not happy about it.

They're sitting on the edge of the stage, swinging their legs back and forth. It's raining outside, and they can hear the loud, booming thunder from inside. The rain adds to the calm atmosphere of the concert hall. After the whole Jenna-fiasco, this is just what Tyler needed.

He and Josh are talking about nothing and everything, and he realizes just how fond he is of Josh. He's so used to Josh, and Josh to him, that it amazes him. It also makes him realize how it was that Josh fell for him. They were so close, too close, dangerously close. Their friendship was strong, but also dangled on the fragile line drawn between that close friendship and romance, and Tyler seemed to notice just how terrifying that was. (Considering the fact that he just crossed that line.)

As they talked, joked, and laughed, Tyler observed Josh carefully. From the way he laughed, and how warm, like a spring day, it sounded, to the way his eyebrows became pinched together when he was deep in thought about something Tyler had said.

Tyler was so whipped, it wasn't even funny anymore.

But the calm mood was ruined by the flowers that had made a home in Tyler. The flowers that were already the bane of his existence.

Tyler coughed into his hands, making Josh's eyebrows furrow. "You okay, Ty?" he asked, and even though Tyler wanted to reply that yes, he was okay, he knew that he really wasn't and the petals were proof of that. His coughing seized quicker than most of his other coughing fits and in his hands he saw the soft, blue petals of forget-me-not flowers. It was once his favorite flower, and now it was his worst nightmare.

The flower's meaning was what he loved the most. It meant _true love_. Something he'd thought he'd already had. But it turned out he was wrong.

Josh looked at the petals in his hands with wide eyes. They showed an emotion that Tyler couldn't quite pinpoint, but he knew damn well that he was at least shocked at the whole ordeal.

"Tyler...I think we need to talk about that."

Tyler only nodded.

—

Tyler didn't tell Josh who the flowers were for, he just explained briefly when it started happening and what happened with Jenna.

Josh didn't pry or question him about anything, he just told him that he would always be there for him, no matter what, through thick and thin, and that he could always trust him with anything. As he said this, Tyler could only think, how could you not fall in love with him?

After their little talk, there was an obvious tension between them, but Tyler decided it was best to ignore it, only because he thought it would pass. But a week later, and the tension was still there. He couldn't tell if it was awkward or something else, he just knew it bothered him greatly.

He also noticed how Josh was distanced from him. That bothered him, too, but he decided not to ask. Maybe it would pass off.

—

The fifth time it happens, he's kneeling in front of the toilet, coughing and retching up flower petals, and Tyler feels like this time, he really will die. Josh sits next to him, rubbing his back soothingly as he coughs up the flowers.

They'd both been trying to sleep, but just as Josh was dozing off, Tyler had dashed to the bathroom, alarming Josh and causing him to get up. He walked to the bathroom and found Tyler coughing up those wretched petals in a position that Josh had once been in. The taller of the two kneeled down at his side and comforted him through this moment. He knew what it was like to be alone in a time like this.

Once Tyler was done, he sniffled and looked at Josh with red, puffy eyes. "Josh," he croaked out, his throat sore from the coughing. Josh gave him a somber look and slowly wrapped gis arms around him in a hug.

Tyler's eyes went wide at the sudden action, but he soon melted into Josh's touch, slowly hugging him back. He didn't realize how much he needed to cry until that moment.

Josh held him as he cried, and Tyler could have never been more grateful to have someone like Josh in his life.

The flower petals that he'd finished coughing up were the forget-me-nots again. But Tyler didn't know whether to believe them or not.

—

His coughing fits have grown worse, but at least Josh is there to comfort him.

They've had to cancel some shows due to his sick state. It hurts to do so, to disappoint their fans this way, but Josh said it was necessary as Tyler's health wasn't something to gamble on or postpone.

Their manager suggests that Tyler gets the surgery done before it's too late, but Tyler refuses to do so. Josh tells him it would be for the best, but Tyler doesn't think so, and he knows that Josh knows it, too.

He knew the surgery was something that would do him good, but his chest feels lighter and the aches are not strong enough as they were before. He actually feels better. If you ignore the fact that he coughs every five minutes, then yes, he's doing better.

And the fact that he was able to talk everything out with Jenna, made him feel much better.

Today, though, he did not feel good at all. It was one of the days were he could not stop coughing up the flowers. Josh sat beside him, as Tyler laid in a fetal position in his bed, coughing. The former rubbed his back soothingly, making Tyler feel grateful for having someone like Josh around.

Once he finished coughing, he stared at the display of orange and white rose petals, an ugly mix. He breathed heavily, trying to catch his breath, but he couldn't relieve himself just yet, because the coughing started again.

"Tyler..." He heard Josh mutter with a sigh. He was about to say something else, until Tyler started choking. "Tyler? Tyler, are you okay?" He sat the smaller boy up and began patting his back, a bit harshly. Tyler kept trying to force out whatever was choking him at the moment, and soon, an entire white rose came out. Tyler stared at it in horror, and he noticed that Josh was just as horrified.

"Holy shit," he muttered. Tyler nodded slowly, placing a hand over his mouth. He truly believed now that this disease was actually a curse.

—

After coughing up the rose, Tyler didn't get out of his bed for days, only to eat and go to the bathroom, otherwise, he'd stay in his bed. He didn't want to talk to anyone about what happened or that after it happened, after Josh left for a while, he coughed up the orange rose.

—

The red rose was expelled from his body a week later.

He coughed it up backstage after one of the few shows they were allowed to play. Josh held him tightly in his arms, helping him through it as he coughed until the rose fell to the ground.

That night, Tyler cried into Josh's chest.

—

A few more weeks later, and Tyler coughed up the amaryllis flower.

They'd gone to the doctor after that, due to Tyler's never-ending sore throat. There was one more flower left to cough out, and Tyler didn't know if he was going to be able to handle it.

The doctor had said there was some damage done, but nothing too severe or serious. When he explained that there was one more flower left to cough out, the doctor told him that it would be best to not sing for a long while until he fully recovered after coughing the last one out. Or else, the damage would be permanent and severe, and he would not be able to sing again. That was a word that Tyler didn't want to live in.

After the visit to the doctor, he and Josh went out for lunch. As they walked to the restaurant Tyler noticed that the awkward tension that was around them before had left, but he could still feel that Josh was a bit tense. So, he questioned him about it.

"Are you okay? You seem a bit tense." He looked up at him. "I'm fine. Just worried," Josh replied with a shrug. "About?"

"You."

Tyler stopped in his tracks and turned to Josh with wide eyes. "Me? I'm fine. I'm almost free of this stupid disease."

"Yeah, but with a price to pay." Josh turned to him, a concerned look covering his face. "You might not be able to sing again if this last one causes too much damage." Tyler smiled slightly and shook his head. "Don't worry. I'm sure it won't. I'll keep singing after a month's rest and I'll be fine." Josh stared at him for a moment before sighing. "Alright, if you say so." Tyler nodded and they continued walking, Josh's hand faintly brushing against his every once in a while.

—

When the forget-me-not was finally out of his system, Tyler realized that he was finally free from the disease.

He also realized that the only way to get the flowers out of his system was if the love was reciprocated.

**Author's Note:**

> oKAY SO
> 
> the thing about the amaryllis flower. there's a legend that the amaryllis flower started as a nymph who was in love with a shepherd named alteo but her feelings were unrequited. upon learning this, i decided to add it to this since y'know unrequited love and all that.
> 
> i hope you guys enjoyed this, btw!! i might write another part to match with the ending of this second part...but idk


End file.
